Shall we sing?
Oh the weather outside’s delightful, but the sweater’s so frightful! And since there’s somewhere to go… so much woe, so much woe, so much woe-ooohhh!
I woke up to snow this morning.
I love the way snow stops everything in its tracks. It lays down a blanket, frosting the world in silent and lovely, icing nature’s colors for eternal rest. All I want to do is snuggle up to a good book and reminisce about forts and snowmen.
This lasts…. about ten minutes. Then my children wake up.
I tell them to get dressed for cold weather. There is something so devilishly cruel about the necks of sweaters, the itch of sweaters, the thick of sweaters. It’s as if I told them to put on their tar and feathers.
Acquiesce quickly parents! A long-sleeve shirt is fine. Shorts? Well, okay, fine. The same shorts you’ve worn every day this week. Okay, sure.
Now I have to bundle you into a jacket made of steel wool and prickly pear. Oh God, no! It’s pulling up the sleeves! Quick change and back for coat.
Careful, the hats we have will literally rip every single hair from your scalp; but I’m sorry, you must wear it.
Now, imprison your fingers in these mittens, love. That’s right, they’ll sweat next to each other and there’s no way to pick up that frosted leaf. But you should try and cry and try again and again. Maybe yell next time. That helps.
Boots, kids, boots!
Down, down, down to the bottom of the ocean you float in your gargantuan boots which weigh more than the sun. How can you walk; nay, how can you breathe with such heavy boots? It’s best you just let them pull you wherever they will.
Into the car, please. It’s too hot, too hot, too hot! I’m melting, I’m melting! You forgot your book about witches in the house? We have to go back? Of course we do.
No, NO! I can’t undo my seatbelt, my fingers are useless, USELESS!
We won’t hurry back to school. You’re right- we will most likely be flogged for being two minutes late. I won’t mention who forgot the book and who made us turn around. It was most likely the sweater’s fault.
Don’t hurry because there is ice? Anxiety drips with the sweat from too much heat so I open the window and a snowflake flies in and blinds two out of three children. Close it, FAST! Snowflake ninja stars last time I checked.
Out you go. School bell rings. I did it. Back home.
I love the snow. The peaceful and silent way it blankets the earth. Frosting leaves and grass blades just so. I think I’ll curl up with a good book and reminisce…. I’ll reminisce about all of the mornings my poor mother had to wake me up on cold days and say, “Honey, it’s sweater weather.”